Hey there. And welcome back to another episode of the profitable mindset podcast.
Welcome to the profitable mindset. A show dedicated to teaching you the skills you need to build a profitable product based business that makes you feel free and fully in control. Here is your host Charlotte Smith. Hey there. Welcome to episode number 36, three steps to get more personal time. I am
So excited to share this episode with you because in my coaching practice with both private clients or my group coaching sessions, I hear it so often that many of you are feeling overworked or stressed or overwhelmed and how you wish you could just have more personal time, but then you aren’t scheduling the personal time because you feel guilty carving out time just for you or you just don’t see how you could possibly do it. You think there’s just no time for you because there’s so much else to do. And this is rampant among us as women, because we’ve been socialized to think we should be able to do it all. We should be able to take care of the kids and the house, and we should be contributing financially, somehow. And we feel guilty. If we’re not, we should have a job or run the business.
We should be raising all the food for our family and cooking healthy meals and keeping a nice house. And then of course homeschooling, if you weren’t already homeschooling, and we’re also raised to believe we should always put others before ourselves. This is how so many of us were raised. And we don’t even realize it. These are beliefs that are just running on autopilot in our brains. And therefore, since we think we should be able to do it all, and it’s just kind of a subconscious idea that we try to live up to. We keep on trying to manage everything and we continue saying yes to everything and everyone. And the first thing we cut out is our personal time. If we had any like personal time to just sit and read a book or do something that’s just for us or go for a walk with earbuds in listening to something that only we want to listen to, or even to pause and paint our nails so that they look nice.
Even for just 24 hours. People tell me often that they don’t believe it’s okay to sacrifice the time to do that. So I have some statements for you that will help you determine if you need to be taking more time for yourself. There are some telltale signs that if you weren’t already aware, that will help you become aware if you need more time. So I’m going to read these statements and you just notice how many are true for you. Number one, I don’t have enough personal time just for me to, I break too many promises to myself because I feel guilty taking time for me, three, I have trouble getting others to share in the workload. Number four, I give to others, or I say yes to others because it makes me feel important or valuable. It’s rare for me to take time for myself to relax or do something just for me when I’m overwhelmed, tired, stressed, I rarely think to ask for help.
And last one, I hate disappointing people. So be honest with yourself, do any, or maybe all of these apply to you. Okay. Then as usual, I’ve got help for you here today. Here’s the deal you guys, if you don’t schedule your personal time first and make sure it’s the first thing you put on your calendar, it actually won’t ever happen. I know this from my own life experience. And of course all the lives of my clients when they come to me, same struggle. There won’t be some magical free hour that just appears every day on your calendar with your name on it. If you don’t schedule it in advance and actually write it down on your calendar, isn’t this an eyeopening concept. I know it was for me too, that you’ve got to schedule your personal time on the calendar before anything else in order to make sure you have it there.
When I teach us to my clients, they’re often surprised that they have to schedule it for it to happen, but then it starts to make sense. If you leave your personal time up to chance, of course, everything else in your day is, will take precedence and it will just disappear. And now if you’re one of those people who is scheduling personal time, but then you cancel on yourself. That’s you being out of integrity with yourself. And then what happens is you can’t trust yourself to care for yourself, which means you beat yourself up even more. And it’s this never ending vicious cycle of self sabotage, criticizing yourself, feeling bad, beating yourself up. So I want you to know taking time for yourself is serious business. This is your health and your life at stake. In my one-on-one work, coaching busy women. It’s common for me to have a client who already has at least one auto immune disease and is seeking mindset, coaching with me to help with the stress and anxiety in order to heal and prevent even more disease.
So you don’t want to mess around with your health and I’m here to offer some support. So if you’re feeling stressed and you see yourself in those statements that I just read off above, and you’re not getting the results you want in life or life is not fulfilling. So that’s why you’re here for help. What’s next. Well, no, that scheduling time for yourself is about so much more than say taking warm baths or getting a massage or saying no, it’s about becoming emotionally strong yourself. When that happens, you’ll finally be able to stop living from your conditioning that you’ve got to do it all to prove to others that you’re showing up in the right way. And instead it’s about becoming emotionally strong and realize you’re not being selfish. When you take care of yourself, it’s about developing the character that makes you decisive clear, honest about who you are and what you want.
And you can’t do those things or live a fulfilling life the way you want. If you’re not taking time for yourself and opposite to what you might have thought until now, taking time for yourself is not about being selfish. It’s about having integrity. When you take good care of yourself, you have the time and the space and the energy, and even a feeling of joy in giving to others because you want to, and you do this then from a place of love and feeling energetic, not because it’s out of habit or guilt or obligation. I hope this is starting to sound tempting to you right now. I just know that I have so many clients who first come to me for private coaching and they’re exhausted trying to keep all the plates in the air. They’re afraid if they drop a plate, then they failed.
And this is one of the big things we work on is to clear up their beliefs about what society expects them to do versus what kind of life do they actually want to live and how do they want to feel in their days? Because that’s your choice. Did you know that you get to choose how you live your life. You get to choose how you feel. And so many of us identify with what we do as proving our self worth. And we’re exhausting ourselves to keep up that image. You’ve heard me say it before in this podcast to your self worth is inherent. It’s a given from the moment you’re born. It can’t be torn down. It can’t be built up. It’s already given when you embrace that. And you believe that that is the first step to being able to let go of all the things you’re doing and start to feel like you can finally schedule time for yourself to catch your breath and not feel guilty doing it.
So as a mindset coach and a life and business coach, I am trained to find the source of a problem that you’re struggling with, not the symptoms, but we remedy the actual problem. What happens then is you feel better once. And for all, you, you finally stop this, uh, negative feeling that kind of runs your life. And the source of the problem for many of us in this area right now is the conditioning that we believe we have to do it all. We have to look good doing it, doing it all. We can’t let other people down and we can’t selfishly take time for ourselves. So here’s step one. If you want to live a fulfilling life, you’re going to want to get to the source of this problem. And your mindset is a very first thing to address. It’s the foundation of how you feel.
Every action you take in your life, or every action you’re not taking in your life is because of your mindset. It creates every result you have in your life. So if you’re not liking the results you’re getting daily or over time, it starts with your thoughts and beliefs. So here we are. It’s so fascinating to me that in our society, the concept of taking personal time is a concept that is actually controversial. I know I’ve been criticized by women for taking time for myself. And I’m so compassionate. When someone criticizes me, I have so much compassion for them knowing how hard they must be on themselves and how much they must be beating themselves up. If they’re criticizing others for doing the very thing that they so wish they could do, just have a moment of peace. And maybe you’re not criticizing people. Maybe you’re just wishing you could do that.
You see someone else scheduling time for themselves, and you wish you could do that. I’m going to help you be able to do that. So just know if you’re wishing you could do that for yourself, but you don’t think you can, or if you’re criticizing other people for caring for themselves, it’s not a reflection of them. It’s a reflection of how little you are caring for yourself and even harming yourself in doing so. So just know I have so much compassion for you. If you see yourself here, I see over and over in the communities I’m involved in the cost of not making time for yourself. It shows up like stress, anxiety, depression, of course, various illnesses, but also just having this feeling of being unfulfilled. Like is this all there is, or you’re not happy with how you look or you’re not happy with your relationships.
You’re short with your family members. I promise this all gets better when you start believing it’s your obligation to take time for yourself. Because if you never decide to believe that you’ll be running yourself in the ground forever and risking your health, trust me, I know this well. I had to learn this the hard way by making myself sick, trying to do it all. And then spending the last two decades, reconditioning my mind that taken care of me actually allows me to serve others in the way I want and to feel peace and freedom and in control and show up for my family in a loving and compassionate way. When you take time for yourself, what also happens is you build this strong foundation so that you’re finally able to give to others. You’re finally able to serve your family or serve your customers from a place of fulfillment and joy and feeling arrested and confident.
And you’ll never be able to give to other people in the way you want, if you’re always feeling deprived. And I think that word deprived is a really good one here. So many of my clients come to me at first feeling deprived, they’re deprived of sleep or emotional support, time to themselves, deprived of energy, or even deprived of hope. So how do we end this legacy of depth of deprivation? Will I share the step one, become aware of what you think about taking time for yourself? And the second step is if you’re going to schedule time for yourself, it’s got to be done from a place of caring for yourself, or self compassion or self respect. All of our actions in life are driven by emotion. What I find is if you’re feeling deprived or rushed or short on time or stressed, we’re exhausted. Or if you’re feeling like the circumstances of your life are just getting you down and that’s when you schedule time for yourself, then that’s when you don’t keep that commitment, you will not follow through on that time you scheduled and you let yourself down.
You self-sabotage when you decide to take a moment for yourself because your actions were driven by a negative emotion instead of a useful emotion. So if the second step is scheduling time for yourself, from a useful emotion, such as caring or self-compassion or appreciation, or honor choose any emotion that serves you instead of feels bad. And so then, you know, if you want to be scheduling your time, how to, from that feeling, how do you do that? Well, here’s what I do. And remember, I’ve developed this skill over years of practice. So give yourself time to learn this routine. This takes my clients weeks of working together one-on-one or even months to hone this skill. And they love their life. When they spend the time and energy with me focusing on this and they learn to become a person who honors their commitments to themselves.
Okay? So back to me, for me to schedule my time, I’ve got to decide how I want to feel. And then I create motivation around it in the way neuroscientists tell us we do that with a thought thoughts, create feelings that drive our actions. Here’s what that looks like for me. Every Sunday, I plan my next week. I scheduled my whole calendar for the week. So I don’t have to make decisions again throughout the week because our brain gets tired of making decisions. It’s exhausting. Maybe you’ve heard the term decision. Fatigue happens to a lot of us when you make too many decisions. So I’m always looking for ways to keep my energy at peak levels all day, every day. So making all my decisions about my schedule in one sitting before the week starts assures that I maintain my energy in order for me to schedule my personal time.
First, I want to be feeling like I mentioned, self-compassionate you choose what works for you, but that works for me. So my feelings drive my actions. If I feel guilty and I set aside time in the week for myself, I will never keep that appointment with myself. Guilt is not a good driver of any useful action in order for me to feel self compassionate. I need to think a thought that creates that. So here I am Sunday afternoon, sitting down with my calendar, creating my time for myself for the next week. And I know that I need a thought that will look at a thought as like a switch that turns on a feeling. So I need a thought that’s going to create self-compassion in my body. A thought such as I get to take amazing care of myself, it can be as simple as that.
What thought works for you? Here’s another thought that works for me. I love caring for myself so I can create the life I want. So maybe a thought like that works for you. Both figure out what works for you to create a useful emotion that supports you setting aside time in your week for yourself. So whatever thought that is, plan on sitting down Sunday afternoon or Monday morning, whatever works for you and think that thought. So here I am thinking, I love caring for myself so I can create the life I want and serve my clients. This makes me feel so much compassion for myself. And then I can schedule my time on the calendar. For me, that is a one hour walk for days of the week at 4:00 PM. And it’s yoga the other days of the week at 7:00 AM. This is actually a line item on my calendar.
With the time there I assign it and I keep that commitment to myself. The other thing I Mark off on my calendar is every night at 6:00 PM, I’m done done for the day. I might be cleaning up the last of the dishes from dinner, cleaning up the kitchen, but I’m done with everything else. I don’t go do laundry. I don’t go clean a closet. I don’t go back to my office and work done with everything. So from 6:00 PM on is my personal time to do whatever I want read a book, watch a movie with my husband, go for a trail ride with my daughter, whatever we want to do. Then what happens when I do this? And this’ll happen for you with practice too, is I become so much more focused and productive during my days because I know I have that personal time built in.
I’m super efficient with my time and energy. This is when I started getting twice as much done during my eight hour Workday, because I knew I had this personal time carved out and committed to on my calendar. I became so decisive and productive while at the same time being completely rested stress-free and energetic, no matter what’s going on in my day, because I know I’ve set aside the time to care for myself. And I know I will never break that appointment with myself. And again, this took me quite a while to learn how to do this. And now I teach it to others. So it is possible, but don’t judge yourself. If you don’t just start doing it tomorrow, you’ve got to learn how to do this and practice it. But today I keep my commitment to myself, no matter what happens unless there’s blood involved, of course, but otherwise it’s exactly how I make it happen.
And then step three is you honor your commitment to yourself. No matter what, if you schedule it on your calendar and then you break the commitment because you think, Oh, something came up, then you’re going to feel out of integrity with yourself. You’ll feel hopeless. Like why bother planning on personal time? Because I never do it anyway. So step three is I teach my clients to keep an honor their commitments to themselves. You can decide to do the same. Now I have various exercises in my coaching practice that assures they learn this and are able to do this with ease. And like I said, it takes a few weeks or a few months with practice. All right, you guys, those are the three steps become aware of your conditioning and reprogram that create the feeling you need to be able to schedule your week from a place of compassion or honoring yourself versus rushed or guilt.
Then step three is learn and practice honoring your commitment to yourself. Always. Okay. That’s my practice that I do. It’s what I coach my clients on and teach them to do. And I encourage you to give it a try. I just know how many of you suffer to the point of exhaustion thinking you have to do it all, feeling obligated to do it all, and then feeling guilty. If you don’t do it all. And I can tell you it’s time to get off that merry-go-round life is so much more fulfilling when you decide to change these habits. All right, that’s what I have for you today. I want so badly for you to learn how to create personal time. In your days, you will be so much more efficient and effective, but also you will live in complete integrity and feel so fulfilled. When you do this.
I laid out how I laid out the three steps here. It starts with how you think about yourself and your place in this world and what your productivity means to you. And if you’re ready to clean up your thoughts, you guys, you always know I’m here to do that. So what I do coaching people all week long, schedule a free strategy session. If you’re interested in investing in yourself and it’s not just an investment in yourself, it’s an investment in your family and your business and your future and your health too. So anyway, those free strategy sessions firstname.lastname@example.org forward slash strategy. And thanks for being here. I’ll see you next time.
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