Hey there and welcome back to another episode of The Profitable Mindset Podcast.
Welcome to The Profitable Mindset, a show dedicated to teaching you the skills you need to build a profitable product based business that makes you feel free and fully in control. Here’s your host, Charlotte Smith.
Hey you guys, welcome to episode number 21 of The Profitable Mindset Podcast, which is all about self confidence. And guess what? This is the first episode in 2020. I can hardly believe it. I hope you had the most amazing holiday season and new year’s. We did. My family did something a little different. We decided not to exchange gifts anymore. We’re going to stop the commercialism of the holiday season and we just enjoyed each other. We went skiing and we cook together up at the mountain. We had a great time. It was very peaceful and relaxing and I even feel totally recharged, ready to hit the new decade with running and just can’t wait. So I hope you had such a nice holiday too.
Now to start this new year and the new decade on the right foot, I wanted to talk about self confidence, because in my experience working with my coaching clients and my marketing students and listening to what you guys are writing and your emails and your comments, it seems to be something that everybody wants more of, but it’s not something that everybody is actively trying to create. So I’m going to show you how to do just that, how to create more self confidence in your life.
When my clients and students become more self confident, that’s when the magic happens. Sales and marketing efforts become easier. They actually become fun, and then the money follows too. And yes, more self confidence leads to more profit. I see this every day with people I work with, so I’ve even built self confidence into my courses and the results for my students are fantastic.
But first, I want to mention that the day this episode airs, I’m going to be on an airplane from Oregon to Kansas City. I’m headed there to give a keynote talk and a couple of marketing workshops for the Great Plains Growers Conference. And I’ve heard from some of you in my audience here that you’re going to be there. So I’m really looking forward to meeting you. It’s one of my most fun things I get to do, so can’t wait for that.
Okay. Now back to self confidence. Self confidence is actually a feeling inside of you and I want you to know that it’s yours to generate. It doesn’t come from something outside of you. Self confidence is simply a skillset that you develop and it comes from learning how to your thoughts or from managing your brain. So you use your thoughts to generate a feeling of self confidence.
Now this is really, really good news because that means it’s totally within your control and your capability to have more self confidence. You don’t have to wait for it to come to you at some future time. It is available to you to generate right now. Yes, you can choose to feel self confident right now, no matter what’s going on in your life.
So maybe you’ve heard me talk about this on other episodes, and that is how the thoughts we think are what creates a feeling or an emotion in our bodies. And then we take action out of our emotions which create the results we have in our life. So the results you have in your life today are a direct reflection of the thoughts you’re thinking. Therefore, if you want different results, if you’re not happy with the results you have in your life right now, you’ll want to learn to manage your thoughts. And this is exactly what I’m great at helping you do, whether it’s in my one on one coaching or in my group classes or right here on the podcast. It’s been my mission in life and I love it.
A lot of people will come to me and they’ll say, “I’m not confident in writing marketing emails,” or “I don’t feel confident even sending the emails or sending blog posts,” or “I don’t enjoy talking to customers and I can’t find people who want to pay my prices.” Or they’ll tell me things like they don’t feel confident teaching a class or hosting a farm tour or signing up for my marketing course. Okay. So confidence is holding a lot of you back, because you will come to me and say that when you feel more confident, then you’ll do that thing, whatever it is.
But unfortunately, if you wait for self confidence to happen to you, you’ll never get there. You’ll never get what you want in life, because it’s not something that happens to you from outside of you. And it doesn’t come from some person outside of you giving you permission or something. It is a feeling that you’re responsible to generate. So if you tell me now that you’re not talking with your customers to build a relationship with them, or you’re not sending your marketing emails every two weeks and you’re going to start doing that when you’re more confident, then that very thought is creating insecurity and it’s holding you back and nothing good or productive will come from feeling insecure.
Okay, so I hope this is making sense. It’s as simple as this, but I know it’s not easy because we all have pretty deeply ingrained thoughts that we’ve habitually been thinking for years that makes us unconfident and insecure. But I’m here to help you learn to practice new thoughts until they become habitual. And you will see that they begin to replace those thoughts that have been holding you back up until now.
Now, in past decades, scientific research used to tell us that our brains were fixed, that we were stuck with whatever personality traits we had and we couldn’t change, and that as soon as you became an adult, your brain and your personality were fixed. And many of us have lived with this belief or this theory for decades.
For instance, we thought that if we are an introvert, we have an introverted personality, then we’re stuck being an introvert or if we were an addict, then we had an addictive personality and we were stuck being that way, or if we were disorganized, we were stuck being that way. And many of us have used that as an excuse unknowingly. And researchers didn’t know enough about the brain until recently. But today we have technology to show us how the brain actually changes constantly and you can direct that change. Today we have research, we have evidence showing us that our brains have what’s called neuroplasticity or another buzzword you may have heard used today is growth mindset.
So what this means, neuroplasticity or growth mindset means that our brains are constantly changing daily and we can actually take charge and manage them and change them in the direction we want to go. You can choose how you want to grow. So you can move from being an unconfident person to a confident person, or you can move from being more introverted to a more extroverted person if you want. Instead of just thinking that you’re an introvert and you’re stuck with that for life, you can change that if you want. You can overcome anxiety. You can overcome being a short tempered person or a constantly defensive person or an angry person. You can become a more organized person if you want.
Okay, so just know that you can change your brain and your personality through thought management, and today’s technology shows us that what scientists and doctors used to think in the past that you were stuck with your fixed personality just isn’t true today, which is fantastic news again, because this means that you can create new results in your life. Or to put it another way, anything is possible in your life. I have lived this and I’ve watched my students and all my one-on-one clients discover this now and live it too.
Okay, so you don’t have to live like you’ve always lived. You can upgrade your life in every area and people who want more success in life, whatever their definition of success is, are now doing this every day.
Okay, so then why would you even want more self confidence? Well, number one is we take action out of our feelings, so our feelings drive our actions. Self confidence is a feeling, and you’ll take more productive actions out of feeling self confident versus feeling insecure, unconfident, okay? That’s reason number one.
So if you’re running a business and you have to send a marketing email and you’re feeling scared or unconfident, then your email is going to reflect that in the copy and you won’t get good results, and then you’ll use that experience to prove your thought that you’re bad at marketing or that email marketing doesn’t work. Okay. I’m using this as an example because I’ve heard this from many of you. All right. However, when you send a marketing email from a place of feeling self confident, you’ll get better results in your marketing. You’ll be open to the feedback that comes every time you send marketing emails and you’ll improve a little bit each time you do and then you’ll see your business improve, your profits improve and your life gets better too. Okay.
Now reason number two for wanting more self confidence is that people love being around confident people. When we are around secure and confident people, we feel better about ourselves. We feel more confident just by being around someone else who feels confident. Haven’t you experienced that? I know I have. It feels wonderful to be around confident people. So this is what you will do when you feel more confident. People around you on the receiving end of your farm emails or people who see your social media posts or even in person will sense your self confidence and they’ll feel better just by being in proximity to you. Again, I see this evidenced in the lives of everyone I work with.
Then you’ll start to sense that people love to be around you because of how you make them feel and I’ve noticed this in my own business. I began working on my self confidence probably 20 years ago. I woke up some point in my early 30s and realized my life was not going the way I wanted and this work on changing your thoughts had just started to be published. This was back in the 90s so I immersed myself in learning how to build self confidence and I worked for years getting all the certifications that taught me how to do what I do today.
And then when I started building my farm business 10 years ago, I realized that people were saying things like, “You just have to meet Charlotte. You’ll love being around her. You’ll love being in her store. You got to go out there and buy stuff. She’s great to be around. You’ll love the experience.” So I started hearing these things and it became fascinating to me that people were buying from me because of how I made them feel, not because of what I was selling. And then with further discovery I learned that this is marketing. All right, you seeing the connection here? It’s so cool. So now I teach… that’s why I teach marketing and self confidence all wrapped up into one. I teach my students how to do the exact same thing. You are your brand and your brand will be more successful, the more self confidence you have. Isn’t that great to know that people feel good about being around confident people and it’s totally within your control to create confidence?
Okay, and I just want to make sure you know I am not talking about arrogant people. That’s totally different. Arrogant people come across as entitled and that they’re better than others and you can sense the difference, right? Arrogance is totally different than self confidence and I don’t want you to worry that by building your self confidence you’re going to come across as arrogant, because you won’t. They are two different things. Self-confident people are not thinking of themselves and how they look to others.
So if you sense that you’re feeling insecure and you’re worried about the way you look or the way you come across to others, use that as feedback that you have some work to do in building your self confidence and that’s okay. You’re in the right place for that. Self-confident people don’t need to obsess over how they look or how they sound or how they might come across to others in email or on social media or even they don’t obsess over what others will think of them. Self confident people are not worried about this. They’re secure in themselves no matter what their skill level and they’re secure in themselves, no matter how they look or sound or they don’t even worry about how they come across to others. Okay. And it’s not that everything they do is top notch, it’s just that they can feel self-confident while they’re learning and improving at something, and you can too. Okay.
So just know that a clue that you might be struggling with a lack of self confidence is that you’re worried about how you look or you’re worried about what others will think about you or what they’ll think about your marketing or your prices or anything like that. Okay. And know that you can’t be in the space of insecurity and self confidence at the same time. It’s one or the other. So I want you to learn how to generate self confidence and then you can totally be at peace with yourself in this world.
Next, I also want to differentiate between being confident in a skill you have and being self confident. Some of us think that because we’re not good at something, we think it’s just a fact that we’re bad at it, so of course we can’t be confidence is what we tell ourselves. Someone will first start working with me and often they’ll say, “I’m a terrible writer. I’m not good at marketing,” or “I’m not good at talking about my products,” or “I’m not good at selling my products.” But if you let the lack of skill at something make you decide not to try it or keep trying it, even though you’re not good at it, you’ll never grow and build the life you want. And self confidence is what makes you willing to try it even though you’re not yet skilled at it.
So you don’t have to be good at something to be self confident. And many of you are telling me that you’re unconfident in marketing because you’re not good at it. But you can’t wait to be good at your marketing for the confidence to come. It doesn’t work that way. Self-confidence doesn’t just show up. Instead, I’m going to teach you how to generate the feeling of self confidence first and then go out and be bad at marketing, but then guess what? You will get better and better and better. See how that works. You generate the feeling of self confidence with your thoughts first. Then you try the new thing, whatever it is, and you’re going to fail at the new thing because you’re new at it. You’re not good at it yet, but because of your self confidence, you’re totally okay with failing because failing is just feedback that you’ve got to do it a little differently next time. Then each time you try it, you’ll fail. You’ll tweak the process, you’ll try again and you’ll get a little better and a little better each time.
All right, so self confidence is a thought or a group of thoughts that you hold about who you are as a person. It’s your thoughts about yourself and your identity. And I’m really driving this home here because I hear too many people saying that they’re putting off really important things in their life because they’re not confident at trying it, as if confidence comes from something outside of them, like they’re waiting for acceptance by others until they can do something. So I’ll hear people say they’re waiting for proof from other people that they’re okay before they can be confident, but no way, you can’t do that. If you do that, you’ll wait forever and you will just not be living the life you’ve dreamed of living.
So only you and your thoughts can generate a feeling of self confidence. Like I said at the beginning, it’s a skill and you can work on honing this skill and when you have confidence in yourself as a person, your very being is self-confident, then you’ll find yourself trying things that you’re not good at, trying things that you’re not practiced in and being okay failing. Okay.
This really stood out to me in my life eight years ago. I decided I wanted to be a professional speaker in order to grow my business, but I was terrified to talk on stage, like so many people. I actually felt physically sick just at the thought of it. However, I had this goal I was focused on and it was purely because I’ve worked on building my own self confidence that I was able to get on that stage the first time, eight years ago, knowing I looked bad, sounded bad, was probably totally uninspiring, but I was able to generate self-confidence, fail at speaking that first year probably, and yet I improved a little bit each time I did it and I was even totally okay knowing that I looked and sounded bad and I was okay because I felt this self confidence within and I knew I’d get better and better and better, until eight years later I’ve reached that goal of being a professional speaker and now I look good. I sound good. I get rave reviews and I get paid to travel across the country and give keynote talks and workshops all the time.
Okay. I wish I could have seen this payoff back then eight years ago, but I trusted the process of failing my way to success. Okay. And I just see so many of you letting yourselves down and not reaching your dreams because you’re not generating the self confidence to even take the first step or you experienced a failure and instead of getting back on the horse and trying again, you use that failure as feedback that you should not be doing that thing or that thing doesn’t work for you. I could’ve done that that first year of speaking. Back in 2012 I could’ve said, “Oh see I’m a really terrible speaker. I shouldn’t go on anymore.” But my self confidence is what helped me continue to practice it and be bad at it until slowly I got better. So don’t let your lack of self confidence hold you back in life from doing those big things you’ve always wanted to do.
Now, something you might struggle with about now is that many of us were raised and conditioned by our families and this society we live in now to not just be unconfident, but to actually be really self-deprecating. And many of us even have this feeling of loading ourselves, and this really erodes our inherent self-worth. So our task is to replace your outdated thoughts you’ve been conditioned to have your whole life with new thoughts that generate feelings of self confidence.
Let me share something that works for me in building self confidence. There’s a thought I think or a belief that I hold today and I teach this to my coaching clients and my marketing students. And I encourage you to try on this belief too, and this is I believe you and I are 100% worthy and 100% valuable just because we exist. You and I don’t have to prove our self worth or earn our own value in life. We are already valuable and we’re already worthy just because we’re here.
Now, it took me a long time to really get this and really believe it, but now that I embrace this belief, it’s my life in so many ways. I no longer have to go around trying to prove myself worthy of being able to do the thing I want to do or prove my value to anyone. If I didn’t believe I was inherently valuable and worthy, then I’d think there was this hierarchy of more valuable people and less valuable people such as I might think someone like Mother Teresa is more valuable and worthy than me because of what she did in her life; therefore, she’s more valuable and worthy than someone who’s just a stay at home mom raising her kids.
And I use this example because I’ve had women tell me this very thing. So I know some of you think you need to prove your worthiness and prove that you’re valuable person and prove that you have the right to try something or to even farm or you have to prove that you have the right to charge the prices you need to charge. I just want you to know that you are no more or less worthy than someone like Mother Teresa, okay? You are 100% where they’re invaluable just as you are. And this belief has served me so well in life. Okay.
And again, the reason I’m driving this home is a lot of people will tell themselves that because they sent a marketing email and 3 people unsubscribed or 10 people unsubscribed, they use that as evidence that they aren’t worthy enough to communicate with their customers, or they use that as evidence that they shouldn’t be sending marketing emails or that it doesn’t work.
So another thing people will tell me almost every day is they’ll say, “Well, who am I to charge $6 a dozen for eggs or $4 a dozen or $8 a dozen,” whatever it might be. Or “Who am I to charge what my product is worth?” Many of you tell me you feel bad charging for your products, the prices you need to be charging. And when I get down to the very heart of this issue, when we really go deep in a coaching call, you end up realizing you just don’t feel worthy of charging those prices.
And this comes up in my one-on-one work with almost every client I work with. Sometimes you feel alone like you think you’re the only one who is unworthy and shouldn’t be charging the prices they need to charge, as if everyone else is worthy enough to market and charge a fair price. But you’re not. And I’m sharing this with you so that you know that most people out here are dealing with the same thing. We’re all dealing with feelings of being unworthy and not valuable to some extent. And I want you to know there is no upside whatsoever to thinking that. You’ve got to discipline yourself not to think that anymore.
And that is what thought management is. You learn to replace those limiting beliefs with the useful thoughts. Okay. Useful thoughts like I’m 100% worthy and 100% valuable just because I exist. Okay. So try that thought on and notice how it makes you feel. And of course you might have to get used to it. You might have to ease into believing it, but I’m telling you, when you come to that place, it will change your life when you do.
One way you can practice this new thought is to put this into your morning routine. Morning is when we’re most open to embracing new ideas, because as the day goes on, we get tired, we get distracted, it gets harder to think things like this. So start the day out doing this first thing in the morning. You can even write it down on a post-it note somewhere in your house. I post it right next to my computer, so I’m reminded of it. I also want you to know there is no evidence proving this thought to be untrue. Okay, the thought that you’re 100% worthy, 100% valuable just because you exist. I don’t know of any evidence proving that untrue.
Okay, so again, try it on and see if you can start practicing thinking that and it is not an arrogant thought. I just want to make sure you don’t think that is arrogant and really if anyone thinks I’m being arrogant for saying these thoughts, I will gladly take that criticism from them rather than suffer from the self-loathing I experienced for most of my life or that imposter syndrome feeling like who am I to charge more than the grocery store? Okay? I’m willing to trade potential criticism in for this feeling of self worth and self confidence that I now have in my life and I encourage you to do the same thing.
Also, I want to make sure you know that confidence does not come from our talent. You can’t rely on being good at something in order to feel confident and many of us are tempted to do that, it’s kind of the way we were raised. But it’s being willing to not be good at something and do it anyway that breeds that self confidence.
Okay, so remember there’s two types of confidence. I’m confident in my abilities, for instance, as an expert horse rider, so it’s really easy for me to find self confidence when I think about riding my horse. But in order to do the things I need to do to build my profitable and successful business, I’m going to have to do things I’m not good at. Every single year I do new things I’m not good at to continue building my business and so will you. So that’s why we need to know how to generate lots of self confidence in order to do the things we’re not good at.
And living the dream life I live today is worth every single struggle I’ve been through and still go through daily knowing I have my own back. You’re going to learn that self confident people don’t always just take action and have success. They fail sometimes, and actually I probably fail way more often than I have success, but it’s totally okay. I can fail really big and still maintain my sense of self worth and self confidence because I know that each one of my failures improves that chance at success. It’s such a feeling of freedom and strength when you realize that you have the ability to generate your own self confidence.
Now I’m getting towards the end here of this episode and I want to get you some help. I do all sorts of confidence building exercises in my coaching practice, one-on-one and in my classes. But for the sake of this podcast, here’s something that you can do on your own.
First of all, you’ve got to have self awareness of what thoughts you’re currently thinking. Okay. Because your thoughts are what got you here today. And you can’t change those thoughts until you’re aware of them because our thoughts create our feelings. So if you’re wondering why you’re feeling unconfident or insecure or why you’re worried about things or worried why life isn’t working out the way you want, it’s because you haven’t become self aware enough yet to realize what thoughts you’ve got going on in your head. And so this exercise is going to help you. I’ve got three writing prompts here in a bit that will help you become aware of what you’re thinking, and therefore, you know what feelings you’re generating inside of yourself.
So grab a notebook and write down the answers to these questions. The first question, number one is, what do I think about myself? Okay, just write down some answers to that. What are my thoughts about myself? And you might write down two or three sentences or you might fill a whole notebook page, but just keep writing whatever comes to mind. What you think about yourself? What are your thoughts about you? This is helping you become more self aware of why you’re feeling the way you feel.
As an example, I had a coaching client recently and she came to me for help because she said, “I’m a terrible writer. I’m not good at marketing. I feel like I’m bothering people when I send my emails.” So she wasn’t sending emails, and “My farm is failing, I’m not making any money.” Those are her thoughts. And guess what feelings those thoughts are generating. Terrible feelings. Okay. She’s feeling awful. She’s feeling unmotivated, depressed, disappointed in secure, certainly not feelings of motivation that leads you to marketing your products. Okay.
So then the more she became aware in our one-on-one work together, the more we were able to discover useful thoughts she could replace the old ones with so she could generate self confidence. It starts with awareness though. She had no idea she was thinking such negative thoughts and was responsible for producing the terrible results in her sales. She thought it was her marketing wasn’t working, her customers didn’t want to hear from her, they didn’t really value her products. She had all these reasons she thought it wasn’t working, but it was all in her thought management.
So we worked together for a few months and turned everything around for her. She replaced her previously negative thoughts about herself with thoughts like I’m learning marketing, every email I send I get better and better. She thought things like I’m serving my customers, my customers want to hear from me about my products, my customers are excited to hear from me. These sort of thoughts created feelings inside of her of motivation and hope and eagerness and even excitement. And now she takes action, her marketing emails go out every single week and her sales are improving. Okay, so this is what you’re doing here by creating self-awareness.
Now the next question is on a scale of 1 to 10, give yourself a rating. On a scale of 1 to 10 I am a blank. Fill in the blank on a scale of 1 to 10, where do you fall there? Okay. And then after you write down what number you think you are, finish this sentence, I think I’m this number because I think blank and write down all those things of why you think you’re the number you are.
And again, this is raising awareness as to why you feel the way you do. Okay? It’s these thoughts that you’re writing down. And I don’t want you to judge the things you’re writing down, okay, cause they could be really crazy things you end up realizing you’re thinking. Don’t judge it, just notice what you’re thinking and write it down. Okay.
Now the last question that’ll help you raise self-awareness is what do I think about myself based on how I compare myself to others? All right, so write down some answers to this because I know even though we know we aren’t supposed to compare yourself to others, we still do all the time. So write down what are your thoughts about yourself based on how you compare yourself to others.
And now once you’re done, and again, take all the time you need, fill in the page if you want. Look at the answers you just wrote down. So go spend some time going back over the answers and know that those are the thoughts in your head. And then I want you to notice how you feel after you’ve read each thought you wrote down. Okay. This exercise is a really good indicator of if you’re thinking helpful, productive thoughts that generate useful feelings or if you’re thinking thoughts that are generating feelings that aren’t useful, such as self-loathing or unconfidence or disappointment or worry or anxiety or insecurity or all those negative things, which again, it’s pretty normal, because most of us have been conditioned to think those types of things. But that is why we’re getting negative results in our life too. Your thoughts that you’ve just written down are going to show you what feelings you’re creating inside of yourself.
So practice this self-awareness exercise. And this is not an exercise that you do just once. I do something similar to this every single morning and then I can assess where I need to think more productive thoughts that generate the feelings I need in life to take the actions that bring me the life I want. Okay. So if I realize that this year I need to be more disciplined, well, what thoughts will I need to be thinking to create the feeling of discipline so I can do the things I want to do? Okay. So I became really aware of what thoughts I’m thinking that are holding me back. And then what thoughts I need to be thinking in order to feel the things I need to feel to get me where I want in my business and life. Okay. And I want the same thing for you.
Now, lastly, you guys, if you want more of this, my signature course, Farm Marketing from the Heart is coming up in February. I’ve already had people asking when it starts up again. So keep your eyes peeled. You’ll hear about it in email. That course will change your life, guys. It’s going to change your business. It’ll change your family. It’ll change your marriage. It’ll change your relationships. This is what I hear from all of the students.
I take hundreds of farmers through that class each year. You’re not only going to learn how to market your farm and create your own amazing marketing strategy. You’re also going to learn how to manage your thoughts through mindset coaching so that you’re generating the self confidence and the other feelings you need to build that profitable business. Okay.
So if you want more mindset coaching now, I always work with farmers privately and our one-on-one sessions every week. You can find info on that at 3cowmarketing.com/workwithme. Then you get to live the life that you’ve been dreaming of.
Okay, you guys, let me know how this podcast helps you. I want you to love generating your own self confidence so you can take on any challenge you want and know that you’ll be okay. Even if it’s awkward and hard at first, or I also, through generating self-confidence, you’ll know that if you fail, it’s totally okay, because that is the price that we pay to live this dream life that’s totally possible for us. Okay. All right. Thank you so much for being here and I can’t wait to see you next time.
Thank you so much for tuning in to today’s episode. For more great resources, check out theprofitablemindset.com. See you next time.